Commentary: On a Sunbeam by Tillie Walden
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On a Sunbeam by Tillie Walden is a strikingly gorgeous queer, coming-of-age graphic novel set in outer space. Mia, our adorable, trouble-making protagonist, works with a small team of Queer womxn and non-binary folks fixing up old, abandoned sites across the universe. As we explore the ruins of crumbling churches on distant planets, memory folds open, exposing at the heart of Mia's story, a missing piece, a piece she longs for but fears she may never find again. Her boarding school girlfriend, Grace. The two timelines of Mia's life inch ever closer, revealing the mystery of who Grace was and where she disappeared to and if Mia will ever find her again.
I don't read as many graphic novels as I would like to and this one reminded me how brilliant and heartfelt the genre can be. Tillie Walden's illustrations are jaw-dropping. I found myself stopping every few pages to show my partner a page exclaiming, "Do you SEE this?!?" The art does a fantastic job of grounding you in the world of the story. The architecture of the ruins and the boarding school alike reflect a life in deep space, surrounded by dark expanses and glimmering stars. Peaceful, melancholic, and, at the same time, vibrant and alive, the art drew me closer to the characters and their experiences.
Like any adventure story, Mia's is full of characters, but, unlike many adventure stories, each of them is full of depth, life, and import. Mia's team-- and in a sense her entire life with them-- reflects a horizontal structure, not hierarchical. They make decisions together. They are each important. They each make mistakes. They each have flaws. Char, the ship's captain, is sometimes too altruistic. When her crew gets into trouble, she bears the weight and leaves on suspension, having followed all the rules herself. Alma, Char's wife, is too hard on people, especially Jules, Alma's niece who lives with them after her mother's death. Jules is at times obnoxious and doesn't know when to shut up. And this is only more apparent with Ell, a non-binary technician who doesn't like to talk much. Not that this is a flaw. Ell's past is filled with pain and regret and they don't do such a great job of sharing the weight with their friends who love them. Yet out of them all, Mia is the most prone to mistakes and accidents, often times causing trouble for those closest to her. Amidst these flaws, we also find incredible beauty that make each character important to the story. Without Char's rules and sacrifice, without Alma's determination and grit, without Ell's love for others more than themselves, and without Jules' voice, Mia and Grace's shared story would never have been.
The story itself was masterfully woven together and filled with the kind of world-building that made me finish the book in two sittings. While the beginning lends to the mystery, the second half is full of adventure, as the characters' seemingly separate lives come crashing into one another. This made the vastness of their universe feel more like an aesthetic, endowing each page with meaning and establishing a deep sense of trust in the writer and the story; I followed the arch as if in a dream, knowing each step-- each page turn-- would reveal that I was closer to each of the characters than I thought before. And this was even more apparent in the presence of so much queerness.
This is one of the first books I've ever read that didn't have a cis, straight couple. It felt incredibly liberating to sink into a world where all of the characters were queer. Some (wrongfully) might believe that this would manifest in a boring, uniform experience. To those who think that, I would simply say that you don't understand the brilliant variety of queerness. Each character had their own unique expression of intimacy. Alma and Char, for instance, are at the same time confrontational and desperate for rest. Alma misses and longs for her days as a rogue-- travelling across the universe saving those who had become lost and needed help escaping worlds that didn't like to let them go. Char doesn't want to change that brave, unyielding part of Alma. But Char constantly demands space be made for rest, weary from years and years of labor and giving everything she is and has to others. I found this relationship particularly beautiful, as so many Queer couples fight for others just as much as they fight for themselves. But we all need rest. We need spaces to love and be intimate and give to ourselves, just like we give to others. I wanted that for Char and Alma, just like I wanted Mia to find Grace again, and just like I wanted Ell to find peace, and for Jules to grieve her lost mom. They each carried so much weight alone. But when they stood in solidarity with one another, sharing each one's weight, I celebrated in an image of Queer liberation.
I recommend this book to those who are longing for queer love stories and adventures. If you are in the mood for a captivating graphic novel, this won't disappoint. If you want sci-fi that feels totally unique, then I suggest trying this one. It will forever stand out in my mind as a radical kind of sci-fi, filled with queerness, rebellion, and magic.