Commentary: Before the Ever After
By Chava Possum
Jacqueline Woodson’s newest book, Before the Ever After, explores the impacts of traumatic brain injuries caused by sports-related concussions on a family and community.
Woodson’s poetic yet approachable style lures us into the comforts of home where young ZJ, his mom, and his super-star linebacker dad nourish an entire community of friends and family, all of whom look up to Zachariah as a folk hero. All is well in 1999. ZJ plays with his friends, goes to his dad’s games to hear an entire stadium shouting his name, and life is normal. But as 2000 approaches, Zachariah starts acting strange. Headaches turn into migraines. Zachariah starts forgetting little things and repeats himself over and over again. Then the mood swings kick in. Zachariah never had a temper before, but now he gets angry at every little thing. ZJ hides under the kitchen table as he listens to his father cry out in pain. And slowly ZJ’s friends stop coming over. He’s changed, they say. ZJ’s mother starts to investigate what is causing such dramatic changes in Zachariah. Turns out there are other football players like him experiencing the same symptoms. But the solutions are as evasive as the problems; she senses someone is hiding something. How is it that so many football players are suffering from debilitating, invisible injuries but no one is saying anything?
Young ZJ turns to music to cope. He fills the quiet house again with sound: music. words. breath. As his mother becomes his father’s caretaker, ZJ must grow up too. His mother urges ZJ to stay a kid as long as he can, but it’s too late. The ever after has arrived and everything is different.
Woodson’s newest tale leaps from the mouth of immortal childhood. Amidst the chaos of adult suffering, ZJ’s youthful love of music, friends, and snowball fights sparkle with the joy of boyhood. Verse captures the magic all around in lucky gloves, kickflips at the skatepark, and oak trees named Maple. Everything is alive.
For my fellow sensitive readers out there, this one WILL make you cry. Wanna know how I know? Because it made me cry too. Why? As much as this story is about ZJ and his childhood, it’s also about the love story between his parents. I couldn’t help but imagine myself in ZJ’s mom’s position: caring for the man I love even when he forgets my name. For those of you who have experienced that pain in the face of dementia, Alzheimer’s, or head trauma, you know much better than I. It’s humbling to imagine. Falling in love and then living that love story for decades can build up quite an ego. I’ll never stop loving you. You’re the most important person in my life. I love you more than anything else. After believing those things for long enough, it must feel like a rude fall from grace when your soul mate doesn’t recognize you anymore. In many ways, that’s what Before the Ever After is about, reconciling the before with the after. Creating a new self and a new family identity out of the fragments of what was. Choosing the present. Grieving what was lost, and finding ways to celebrate what has been found.